( 14 ) M A 1st Year - my performance

 ( 14 )   M A 1st Year - my performance 

     Though I stayed in hostel, I realised that I couldn't perform well in the examination.   There were many reasons  - I did my Degree Course in Chemistry,  my ability to learn was lost after the Xth Std,  the stress I experienced was becoming a hindrance to my studies.   There was no one to support me in my academic performance .   

     In my house, the situation was becoming worst every week.   My father always said that though he worked hard for the family, he couldn't achieve anything.   He had become tired of his work and he was not ready to continue his work because the rubber tapping and the use of acid during the process of making rubber sheets caused a kind of allergy on his skin.   He used a kind of medicine  - I don't remember whether it was Ayurvedic or Allopathic.   Further, he had some problems with his eyesight also. 

     I think it was in such a situation that he decided to sell our property as early as possible.   I remember that when I was in VIIth Std itself, he started to sell our property.   But the problem was that no one was interested  to buy it because there was no road to enter our courtyard, that means a bike or car couldn't enter the courtyard,  instead there were many steps. But when I was doing my M A 1st Year,  he had taken the final decision and as a result,  many people came  accompanied with a broker and alas !  It was sold. After that,  I thought that he would buy not less than one acre because at that time,  one could purchase one acre with one lakh Rs.   Again, I imagined that our financial problems would be solved when we acquire more land. 

( 13 ) Some memories from my 1st year M A course

  ( 13 )   Some memories  from  my  1st  year  M A course  

     There were some peculiarities which I noticed in Kothamangalam, where Mar Athanasius College was situated.   As it was a place where the trades of hill products from Idukki district were going on,  it had become a major commercial centre.   But, when I walked through the streets,  whenever a man came close to me,  he would utter something in a low voice, near my ears.   This disturbed me very much but my friends told me that it was a usual practice in that place,  reflecting high malechauvinism.   

     I remember two boys from Degree Final Year class,  coming to our classroom and talking sexually assaulting words to one of my classmates.   I had not heard about such a situation in my previous college,  St Peter's College, Kolenchery.   A boy coming to love a girl who is elder to him  - not secretly but entering the classroom without prior permission.   Here, I'm writing about the college campuses in Kerala and I don't know much about the campuses outside Kerala and in other countries. 

     I want to share some information about the Church where I went on Sundays for Mass.   Marthoma CheriaPally, where Mar Baselios Yeldo Bava's tomb is situated at the altar  - it was one of them.   In the opposite side of the road,  Martha Mariyam ValiyaPally is situated.   I used to go in these two churches  -  they are ancient and famous Churches in Kerala. 

( 12 ) M A 1st Year - my hostel

 ( 12 )   M A 1st Year  - my hostel 

     When I joined hostel in Kothamangalam,  my mind was filled with memories of my one year stay in the hostel attached to St Peter's College, Kolenchery, while I was doing my Pre - Degree IInd year course. But, everything was different in the hostel, Kothamangalam.   The hostel warden, a middle aged lady was a widow with two children  - the elder one was a boy, doing his Degree IInd year, I think.   The younger one was a girl  who had just completed Xth Std.   

     How did the hostel  look like ?  There was a small sitout, then we would enter into a hall.   There were two cots, a table & two chairs, if my memory is correct.  From the hall, to the left side, there were two rooms.  One small room was for the warden 's daughter.  The other room in which there were four persons  - it was my room.   It was conjested  - but I lived there, applying that concept  - yes, adjustment.  From the hall, to the right side, there were two rooms, both of them alike in length and width.   Attached with these rooms, there were toilets, about which I have no serious complaints.   In the hostel compound, there was another building, which looked like a miniature form of a house.   There was a small living room and four or five small rooms. The kitchen and dining hall were situated in a small building, which is separated from the main building.   There was a small bedroom also in that building besides the kitchen and dining hall.  I remember that the Television was placed in the dining hall.   It was the time of Chithrageetham & Chithrahar in TV and I remember everyone running to the hall to watch these shows.  Anyway, the warden slept in that building which aroused fear in my mind.  

     There was a toilet outside the house in one corner.   Almost near it, there was a place for washing clothes. In the terrace, there were many cloth lines which we used to  dry our clothes.   I was almost satisfied in the life in that hostel. But, the fees  -there was a problem - as it was a private hostel, I had to give the fees and it created some problem in my family.   However, I could continue there with my lumpsum grant and my father gave me some amount of money, I don't forget. 

( 11 ) M A 1st Year continues

  ( 11 )   M A 1st Year continues

     There were many hostels in Kothamangalam because of the presence of Arts College and Engineering College.   Many houses were changed as hostels and I selected "Queen 's" hostel.
     In my home,  when my father was present,  I declared that I wouldn't continue my studies unless I join in a hostel.   I couldn't rise up early in the morning, prepare food and travel such a distance.   In the evening,  I would come late, draw water, take bath and wash my clothes.   Then it would be the time for prayer, then supper, after that my parents and sister would go to bed.  My mother would start crying after sometime, saying that she couldn't sleep because of the light from the electric bulb.   She would also loudly proclaim that she started her work from morning to evening but couldn't sleep even during night time because her eldest daughter was sitting in the middle room beneath the electric lamp, after spending the daytime leisurely.  She would repeat this many times till my father rise up and question me whether I was born to torment my mother.   As usual, I wouldn't respond to him instead would look at him and my mother angrily.   I would continue reading but I might have changed to an abnormal stage by that time and would put out the light and go to bed with utter despair.   Now, I remember that my brother was doing his Pre - degree IInd year but he went to bed earlier than me without saying anything.
     When I spoke about staying in a hostel, my parents had no objection, both of them came to hostel,  describing to the warden about the discomforts I was facing in my studies.   Hearing their words,  I stood there, shockingly and unbelievably.   I knew that there were many girls coming to the college, after helping their mothers in all kinds of job.   But I was not ready to do household works and at the sametime, hearing all abusive words.

( 10 ) M A English 1st Year

  ( 10 )  M A English 1st Year

     At the beginning of 1st year M A course, I used to go to college by bus.   After two or three months,  I realised that I couldn't continue like that because I was not learning anything during those days.   "The history repeats ", I thought helplessly in my mind.   It was difficult for me to prepare food and get ready before 07.30 A. M.  I know you may be irritated by this statement but I was a mentally tired woman by that time.   Similarly,  when I return in the evening,  I would take bathe and start cleaning clothes because I had only limited number of clothes.   Then my mother would get angry and would start talking about the dangers that would occur when I do cleaning clothes at night time. 

     As our toilet was outside the house,  all of us took bath before sunset.   My father would return from Kadayiruppu junction only after 08.30 P M.   Our land situated in a lonely place  -  she was afraid of a stray dog,  a robber or a ghost.   I was also afraid but everyone believed that I was very courageous. 

     It was at this juncture that I decided to stay in a hostel in Kothamangalam. 

( 9 ) Joining for Post Graduation

  ( 9 )  Joining for Post Graduation 

     When I got admission in M A College, Kothamangalam, I stopped my work as a Teacher in the parallel college.  Anyway, the Teachers in that parallel college were great persons and they showed great consideration towards me.   I can remember four male Teachers and three lady Teachers.   I could speak to them freely and I remember they gave me a treat before I left that institution.   

     M A English literature class  - it was obvious that there was two gangs  - one including those who came from rich families and another in which I was included.   Here, I want to point out that there was one or two persons who stood as mediators between these two gangs.  I had to learn the phonetic script to understand the pronunciation of words because my graduation was in Chemistry.   I think there was two other persons also who did their graduation other than B A English. 

( 8 ) A decision to apply for M A

  ( 8 )  A decision to apply for M A

     It was disgraceful to reply for the Parallel College Principal's question about the result of my Degree Course.   When I said, "second class ", he didn't ask me anything further about it.   I  can  imagine what might have been his thoughts about my poor performance in the examination.   There was no chance to get admission for M Sc Chemistry and therefore I decided to apply for M A English literature.   I think I applied for the course in three colleges in Ernakulam district under Mahathma Gandhi University, Kottayam.
       The nearest college where I applied was Mar Athanasius College, Kothamangalam.   It is a fact that I got admission there in reservation quota, OEC.   There were two routes to reach the place, Kothamangalam.   One was - from our bus stop to Perumbavoor, then from Perumbavoor to Kothamangalam.   But there was one bus which came from Kolenchery  ( it started from some other place, I do not remember ) and ended its journey at Kothamangalam.   The second route was from our bus stop to Kolenchery  ( about 3 kms ), from Kolenchery to Muvattupuzha and from Muvattupuzha to Kothamangalam.   I didn't select the second route because I would have to travel in three buses, though the total distance was lesser than the first one.

     Before explaining more about my experiences in M A College, Kothamangalam, I have to share with you some family matters which I forgot to mention.  I don't remember when and in which date, a girlchild was born to uncle Yohannan and aunt Sicily.   However, it was when I was twenty years, I'm sure.   On that day, my father along with my mother was in hospital, to take care of aunt Sicily.   In my house, I, my brother  ( 15 years ) and my sister  ( 10 years ) were only present.   It was for the first time that such a situation occurred in my life.