( 9 ) Joining for Post Graduation

  ( 9 )  Joining for Post Graduation 

     When I got admission in M A College, Kothamangalam, I stopped my work as a Teacher in the parallel college.  Anyway, the Teachers in that parallel college were great persons and they showed great consideration towards me.   I can remember four male Teachers and three lady Teachers.   I could speak to them freely and I remember they gave me a treat before I left that institution.   

     M A English literature class  - it was obvious that there was two gangs  - one including those who came from rich families and another in which I was included.   Here, I want to point out that there was one or two persons who stood as mediators between these two gangs.  I had to learn the phonetic script to understand the pronunciation of words because my graduation was in Chemistry.   I think there was two other persons also who did their graduation other than B A English. 

( 8 ) A decision to apply for M A

  ( 8 )  A decision to apply for M A

     It was disgraceful to reply for the Parallel College Principal's question about the result of my Degree Course.   When I said, "second class ", he didn't ask me anything further about it.   I  can  imagine what might have been his thoughts about my poor performance in the examination.   There was no chance to get admission for M Sc Chemistry and therefore I decided to apply for M A English literature.   I think I applied for the course in three colleges in Ernakulam district under Mahathma Gandhi University, Kottayam.
       The nearest college where I applied was Mar Athanasius College, Kothamangalam.   It is a fact that I got admission there in reservation quota, OEC.   There were two routes to reach the place, Kothamangalam.   One was - from our bus stop to Perumbavoor, then from Perumbavoor to Kothamangalam.   But there was one bus which came from Kolenchery  ( it started from some other place, I do not remember ) and ended its journey at Kothamangalam.   The second route was from our bus stop to Kolenchery  ( about 3 kms ), from Kolenchery to Muvattupuzha and from Muvattupuzha to Kothamangalam.   I didn't select the second route because I would have to travel in three buses, though the total distance was lesser than the first one.

     Before explaining more about my experiences in M A College, Kothamangalam, I have to share with you some family matters which I forgot to mention.  I don't remember when and in which date, a girlchild was born to uncle Yohannan and aunt Sicily.   However, it was when I was twenty years, I'm sure.   On that day, my father along with my mother was in hospital, to take care of aunt Sicily.   In my house, I, my brother  ( 15 years ) and my sister  ( 10 years ) were only present.   It was for the first time that such a situation occurred in my life.   

( 7 ) Some thoughts after the Degree Course

  ( 7 )  Some thoughts after  the Degree Course

     Though I couldn't perform well in the examinations in Degree Course,  I continued reading the newspaper and the Vanitha magazine.   Therefore,  I  could understand what was happening around the world,  and especially the position of women in the society.

     The Gulf War and its consequences reflected even in the families of Kerala.   When US President George H W Bush decided to wage war against Saddam Hussein,  I was shocked along with thousands of people in this world.  In India,  after the assassination of Rajiv Gandhi,  in the general elections,  the Indian National Congress was won and P V Narasimha Rao became the Prime Minister of India. In his Cabinet,  the Finance Minister was Dr Manmohan Singh,  who implemented some liberalised reforms in India's economy.   However, I don't want to make a comment on this matter.   

     In Kerala,  K Karunakaran was the Chief Minister during 1991 to 1995.   I don't remember the major incidents that happened in Kerala at that time.   But there was one incident  -  Nambi Narayanan,  who was a scientist in ISRO was charged with espionage and arrested.  During that period,  K Karunakaran stood stern on behalf of him.   It was a wonder to all of us but later he was declared not guilty by the Supreme Court.  I don't know much about this incident and how to make a detailed description about this. 

     

( 6 ) Some Incidents from my Degree Course

  ( 6 ) Some  Incidents  from  my  Degree  Course 

     When I was doing my Degree Course, the  midsummer vacation in School was our 'study leave ' period.   During  those  days, I was struggling for a pass mark in the examination.   As usual, my father, mother and sister would take a midday nap after lunch, upto about 04.00 p.m., in the evening.   Usually, my father would wake up at about 03. 00 p.m., take the chopper and spade and would go to the backside of our land to collect the tapioca roots  with  which we would make kappappuzhukke for the teatime at 04. 00 p.m., in the evening.   One day, at about 03.00 p.m., in the evening, my father shouted at me, "why are you sitting there idle ?  Go and collect the tapioca roots  for the teatime at the evening. "  I wondered to hear his abuse words but when I looked at his eyes, I understood what would happen next.   Taking the chopper and spade, I approached a tapioca plant and cut the upper part of the plant with the chopper.   In the midst of leaves, we can see the seeds and I remember we used it as a top in our leisure time.   Now, I remember how interesting it was to twist it and observing its rotation.   My brother was an expert in it and we used to cheer up our sister with that game.   However, after cutting the upper part of the plant, I shook the stalk and the roots  could be seen when the soil was removed with the spade.   Sometimes, the roots  would be so long that I could remove the soil carefully with the spade and take it without breaking it.   

     My problem was this - "why did my father scold me to do the job when my mother was in a siesta ? "  Now, I ask this question to my relatives.

     Now, I  have to reveal a particular problem to others.   When I was in School, I haven't experienced any pain during my menstrual days. But when I was doing  my  Degree Course, I  experienced pain for two or three hours on the 1st day.   So, when I experienced pain on that particular day, I lay in bed during daytime, which was an unusual behaviour from my side.   Seeing this, I noticed that my father was looking at me angrily, while he was preparing to go to Kadayiruppu junction in the evening.   Then, I remembered what was his reaction when aunt Laly experienced pain for twentyfour hours, crying by laying on a mat on the floor.  At daytime, she would be lying on the back verandah of our house, on a mat.   Then, my father would be lying on the bed after returning from his work and he wouldn't say anything about her pitiful condition.
     Here, my problem was this - "how did he understand the pain of my mother's sister ?   Why didn't he understand my problem ?   Could I describe my problem with him ?"  I  leave this question also to my relatives. 

( 5 ) The impacts of Degree results upon me

   ( 5 )   The  impacts  of  Degree  results  upon  me

     When  my  Degree  result  was  published,  I  was  extremely worn  out  and  couldn't  go  to  the  college to  know  whether  I  had  passed  or  not.   So,  I  requested  my  brother  to  check  the  result on  the  notice  board  of  the  college.  He  was  then doing his  Pre  -  degree  Ist year and  he was  aware  of  my  agony  and  despair.   On  that  day,  I  waited  fearfully  till  he  returned  from  the  college.   After  returning  from  the  college,  he  informed  me  that  I  had  passed  the  examination  with  second  class.  The  happiness  I  felt  at  that  moment  -  it  can't be  expressed  in  words.   I  was  greatly  relieved,  but  a  second  class  in  B Sc Chemistry !  I  expected  this  but  completely  broken  when  my  classmates  in  schools enquired  me  about  the  Degree  results.
     I  knew  that  I couldn't  go  to  the  next  level  - ie.  for applying  M Sc Chemistry.   But  in  my  village,  everyone  thought  that  I  was  doing  my  Course  efficiently.   When  I  received  the  marklist,  our  Professor  remarked  like  this, "it  was  better  for  you  to fail  in  the  examination".  I  remembered  the  moment  in  which  I  knew  that  I  was  the  schooltopper  in  Std  X.   I  have  experienced  the  exalted  tip  of  victory  and  the  deep  pit  of  failure.   This  might  be  the  reason  why  I  do not  enjoy  when  I  experience happiness  and  not  burst  into  tears  when  I  am  very  sad.

     I  wonder  how  much  changes  might  have  been  occurred  to  my  brain  and  each  cell  of  my  body  in  such  a  situation.   I  didn't  disclose  my  sadness  to anyone  because  all  the  people  around  me  were  speaking  against  me, saying  that  I  was  tormenting  my  parents, without  doing  any  work. 

( 4 ) I was a Parallel College Teacher

  ( 4 )
            I  was  a  Parallel  College  Teacher

     Before  joining  as  a Teacher  in  the  parallel  college,  I  selected  some  cotton  sarees.   My  mother's  sarees  were  easy  to  wear and  limited  in  number.   Therefore,  I  had  to  purchase  some  cotton  sarees  - it  is  slightly  difficult  to  wear and  maintain  them.   After  bringing  the  sarees  in  my  home,  my  father  & mother  started  to  iron  them.   Then,  one  end  of  a  saree  was in  a  curved  shape and  my  father  cut  those  pieces with  scissors.   Again  it  was  ironed and  it  was  clear  that  the  part  which  was  cut  away,  was  necessary  for  the  saree.  I  wondered  and  said  to  myself, "what nonsense  they  are  playing ?".  I  knew  that  they  did  so to  make  sure  the society  that  their daughter  was  able  to  become  a  Teacher  and  wear  the  saree  without  any  fault  and  thereby gain  the  credit  of  the  neighbours. 

      In  the  parallel  college,  I  had  to  face  the  students  who  failed  in  Std  X  and  those  who  came  for tuitions from  VIIIth,  IXth & Xth Stds,  I  think.   I  was  given  the  subjects,  Physics,  Chemistry  and  Biology.   The  Principal  asked  me  whether  I  was  interested  in  teaching  English.   I  agreed  and  they  gave  me  a  period  for  teaching  English.   But  it  was  a  failure.   Though  I  had  done  much  homework  for  teaching  the  lesson,  I  couldn't  perform  well  because  I  didn't  know  the  methods  of  teaching of  a  language, at  that  time.   After  my  class,  the  Principal  went  to  their  classroom  and  listened  the  feedback  of  my  class .  I  was  sitting  in  the  staffroom  with  a  broken  heart.   But  the  Principal  said  to  me  that  my  science  classes  were  running  smooth and  I  could  make  some  more  homework  before  I  attempt  to  teach  English. 

( 3 ) The incidents after Degree Course

      ( 3 )

         The  incidents   after  Degree  Course  

     After  my  Final  Year Degree  examinations,  I  was  going  through  a  terrible  situation.   I  doubted  whether  I  would  pass  the  examination  or  not.   So,  I  decided  to  undergo  fasting  -  avoid  supper.   This  continued  till  the  result  was  published.   My  mother  didn't  know  the  reason  behind  it  and murmured  against  me throughout  that  period.   I  prayed, " God,  if  you  exist,  please  give  me  a  pass mark.   After  this  prayer,  the way  in  which  I  prayed,  made  me  surprised.   I  said, "God, if  you  exist".  How  could  I  pray  like  that  ?  It  denoted that  I  had  lost  my  belief  in  God.   When  I  faced  the  reality,  I  was  totally  upset.   Without  belief  in  God,  how  could  I  live  ?  At  the  sametime,  I  realised  another  fact  - I  had  become  a  youth.   I  had  survived  my  childhood  and  adolescence  stages.   I  was  twenty  years  old  then.   In  India,  a  girl  acquires  maturity  for  marriage  at  the  age of  eighteen  years .  This  disturbed  me  very  much. 

     It  was  at  this  time  that  John  Sir  ( Fr John  ) who  was  the  Principal  of  a  parallel  college  in  Pattimattam, along  with  another  Teacher  in  that  institution  came  to  our  house.   All  my  family  members  were  present  there.   He  wanted  to  know  whether  I  was  willing  to  join  in  his  institution  as  a  Teacher.   It  would  be  a  surprise  to  all  of  you  to  hear  that  I  was  interested  in  Teaching.   He  came  to  our  house  to  select  me  as  a  Teacher  because  he  knew  that  I  was  a distinction - holder  in  Std  X.   He  didn't  know  my  performance  in  Pre  -  degree  Course.   "What  will  be  his  reaction  when  he  knows  my  Degree  result  ?", I  thought  fearfully.   My  mother  was  speaking  to  them  continuously.   She  described  my  brother's  all  mischievous  acts  and  showed  them  some  of  the  pictures  drawn  by  him.   Now,  I  remember  that  my  brother  had  a special  aptitude  to  draw  pictures. 

     However,  before  joining  as  a  Teacher,  I  had  to  purchase  some  sarees  and  learn  how  to  wear  it.   So,  I  went  to  Kolenchery  with  my  mother  ( though  unwillingly ) , bought  three  or  four  sarees.   I  don't  remember  the  exact  number.   To  wear  a  saree,  the  blouse  and  underskirt  were  to  be  stitched.   Therefore,  I  think  I  joined  as  a  Teacher  after  one  week.