( 16 ) M A 1st Year - some sad moments

( 16 )   M  A  1st  Year - some sad moments 

     It was a holiday and I had gone to my house for two days from hostel.   One afternoon,  I was sitting in the front verandah.   After sometime,  I noticed a taxi,  coming and parking in the opposite side of our house,  near the road which led to the Puthiyaveettil house.   Surprisingly, aunt Chinnamma,  aunt Laly & uncle Daniel came,  climbing the steps.   Aunt Chinnamma  and aunt Laly were crying.   Uncle Daniel explained that my maternal grandfather had got a serious injury,  he couldn't stand up and as a result, he was lying on the backseat of the taxi.   First,  they took him to Dharmagiri hospital, Kothamangalam .  After examining him,  they gave some primary treatments and then referred to MOSC Medical Mission hospital  ( Now  Medical College ) , Kolenchery.   Hearing this, my mother started crying loudly.   However,  my father and mother quickly changed dress and went to the hospital,  Kolenchery.
     We  ( I,  my brother who was doing Pre - degree IInd year and my sister who was in VIIth Std ) were left behind in our house.   I was shocked for sometime.   It was eveningtime,  so I knew that some of them would return to our house and therefore,  I had to prepare a curry for dinner.   With the help of my brother, I collected the leaves of a variety of amaranthus,  which was grown abundantly in our land and prepared a curry.   In the evening,  some of them returned  - I don't remember who they were  -  but it is sure that my father was there.   I remember this because he made a statement that he didn't know whether a curry is prepared or not.   He went to the kitchen to make sure that the curry was prepared.   After taking food, he returned to hospital,  I think.

     The thing that worried me was that he made the statement that he was not sure whether the curry was prepared or not.   I was twentyone years then and it would be an insulting factor to me when the relatives know that I don't know how to make a curry for dinner.   He knew that I could make some simple curries but when any relative or fellow citizen came to our house, he would say that he didn't know whether I could cook rice or curry.   Many times,  I was annoyed by this statement and so the distance between I & my father increased day by day. 

( 15 ) M A 1st Year - selling of our house & property

  ( 15 )   M A 1st Year - selling of our house & property

     When my father sold our property,  his brothers and sister talked about their attachment with our land.   They spoke openly that my father made such an irritating activity without any consultation with them.   They added that they had also some authority in that property, earlier.   My father's sister said that her father  ( my grandfather  ) had promised her that he would give her five cents from our land.   All these remarks made me sad.   I tried my best to to reply to some of the members of my father's family that he had been trying to sell the property when I was in VIIth Std itself.   But it had no effect at all. 

     When my father started to enquire lands for sale,  I thought that he wouldn't buy less than one acre.   There was my maternal grandfather also with him in search of land in and around Pothanicad.   My father didn't like some lands on various reasons.  Some were away from the main road,  some away from Jacobite Church, some places were there in which it was difficult to make a way to the house and so on. He didn't like to own a land in another district.

      At last, with the help of my grandfather in Pothanicad, he found sevetyfive cents almost near my mother's house, Pothanicad.   When I knew that my father was going to buy less than one acre,  I became very sad.  But, what could  I say  ?  It was fixed and all the procedures were completed. I didn't go there because I thought that my father and grandfather wouldn't make a mistake. 

( 14 ) M A 1st Year - my performance

 ( 14 )   M A 1st Year - my performance 

     Though I stayed in hostel, I realised that I couldn't perform well in the examination.   There were many reasons  - I did my Degree Course in Chemistry,  my ability to learn was lost after the Xth Std,  the stress I experienced was becoming a hindrance to my studies.   There was no one to support me in my academic performance .   

     In my house, the situation was becoming worst every week.   My father always said that though he worked hard for the family, he couldn't achieve anything.   He had become tired of his work and he was not ready to continue his work because the rubber tapping and the use of acid during the process of making rubber sheets caused a kind of allergy on his skin.   He used a kind of medicine  - I don't remember whether it was Ayurvedic or Allopathic.   Further, he had some problems with his eyesight also. 

     I think it was in such a situation that he decided to sell our property as early as possible.   I remember that when I was in VIIth Std itself, he started to sell our property.   But the problem was that no one was interested  to buy it because there was no road to enter our courtyard, that means a bike or car couldn't enter the courtyard,  instead there were many steps. But when I was doing my M A 1st Year,  he had taken the final decision and as a result,  many people came  accompanied with a broker and alas !  It was sold. After that,  I thought that he would buy not less than one acre because at that time,  one could purchase one acre with one lakh Rs.   Again, I imagined that our financial problems would be solved when we acquire more land. 

( 13 ) Some memories from my 1st year M A course

  ( 13 )   Some memories  from  my  1st  year  M A course  

     There were some peculiarities which I noticed in Kothamangalam, where Mar Athanasius College was situated.   As it was a place where the trades of hill products from Idukki district were going on,  it had become a major commercial centre.   But, when I walked through the streets,  whenever a man came close to me,  he would utter something in a low voice, near my ears.   This disturbed me very much but my friends told me that it was a usual practice in that place,  reflecting high malechauvinism.   

     I remember two boys from Degree Final Year class,  coming to our classroom and talking sexually assaulting words to one of my classmates.   I had not heard about such a situation in my previous college,  St Peter's College, Kolenchery.   A boy coming to love a girl who is elder to him  - not secretly but entering the classroom without prior permission.   Here, I'm writing about the college campuses in Kerala and I don't know much about the campuses outside Kerala and in other countries. 

     I want to share some information about the Church where I went on Sundays for Mass.   Marthoma CheriaPally, where Mar Baselios Yeldo Bava's tomb is situated at the altar  - it was one of them.   In the opposite side of the road,  Martha Mariyam ValiyaPally is situated.   I used to go in these two churches  -  they are ancient and famous Churches in Kerala. 

( 12 ) M A 1st Year - my hostel

 ( 12 )   M A 1st Year  - my hostel 

     When I joined hostel in Kothamangalam,  my mind was filled with memories of my one year stay in the hostel attached to St Peter's College, Kolenchery, while I was doing my Pre - Degree IInd year course. But, everything was different in the hostel, Kothamangalam.   The hostel warden, a middle aged lady was a widow with two children  - the elder one was a boy, doing his Degree IInd year, I think.   The younger one was a girl  who had just completed Xth Std.   

     How did the hostel  look like ?  There was a small sitout, then we would enter into a hall.   There were two cots, a table & two chairs, if my memory is correct.  From the hall, to the left side, there were two rooms.  One small room was for the warden 's daughter.  The other room in which there were four persons  - it was my room.   It was conjested  - but I lived there, applying that concept  - yes, adjustment.  From the hall, to the right side, there were two rooms, both of them alike in length and width.   Attached with these rooms, there were toilets, about which I have no serious complaints.   In the hostel compound, there was another building, which looked like a miniature form of a house.   There was a small living room and four or five small rooms. The kitchen and dining hall were situated in a small building, which is separated from the main building.   There was a small bedroom also in that building besides the kitchen and dining hall.  I remember that the Television was placed in the dining hall.   It was the time of Chithrageetham & Chithrahar in TV and I remember everyone running to the hall to watch these shows.  Anyway, the warden slept in that building which aroused fear in my mind.  

     There was a toilet outside the house in one corner.   Almost near it, there was a place for washing clothes. In the terrace, there were many cloth lines which we used to  dry our clothes.   I was almost satisfied in the life in that hostel. But, the fees  -there was a problem - as it was a private hostel, I had to give the fees and it created some problem in my family.   However, I could continue there with my lumpsum grant and my father gave me some amount of money, I don't forget. 

( 11 ) M A 1st Year continues

  ( 11 )   M A 1st Year continues

     There were many hostels in Kothamangalam because of the presence of Arts College and Engineering College.   Many houses were changed as hostels and I selected "Queen 's" hostel.
     In my home,  when my father was present,  I declared that I wouldn't continue my studies unless I join in a hostel.   I couldn't rise up early in the morning, prepare food and travel such a distance.   In the evening,  I would come late, draw water, take bath and wash my clothes.   Then it would be the time for prayer, then supper, after that my parents and sister would go to bed.  My mother would start crying after sometime, saying that she couldn't sleep because of the light from the electric bulb.   She would also loudly proclaim that she started her work from morning to evening but couldn't sleep even during night time because her eldest daughter was sitting in the middle room beneath the electric lamp, after spending the daytime leisurely.  She would repeat this many times till my father rise up and question me whether I was born to torment my mother.   As usual, I wouldn't respond to him instead would look at him and my mother angrily.   I would continue reading but I might have changed to an abnormal stage by that time and would put out the light and go to bed with utter despair.   Now, I remember that my brother was doing his Pre - degree IInd year but he went to bed earlier than me without saying anything.
     When I spoke about staying in a hostel, my parents had no objection, both of them came to hostel,  describing to the warden about the discomforts I was facing in my studies.   Hearing their words,  I stood there, shockingly and unbelievably.   I knew that there were many girls coming to the college, after helping their mothers in all kinds of job.   But I was not ready to do household works and at the sametime, hearing all abusive words.

( 10 ) M A English 1st Year

  ( 10 )  M A English 1st Year

     At the beginning of 1st year M A course, I used to go to college by bus.   After two or three months,  I realised that I couldn't continue like that because I was not learning anything during those days.   "The history repeats ", I thought helplessly in my mind.   It was difficult for me to prepare food and get ready before 07.30 A. M.  I know you may be irritated by this statement but I was a mentally tired woman by that time.   Similarly,  when I return in the evening,  I would take bathe and start cleaning clothes because I had only limited number of clothes.   Then my mother would get angry and would start talking about the dangers that would occur when I do cleaning clothes at night time. 

     As our toilet was outside the house,  all of us took bath before sunset.   My father would return from Kadayiruppu junction only after 08.30 P M.   Our land situated in a lonely place  -  she was afraid of a stray dog,  a robber or a ghost.   I was also afraid but everyone believed that I was very courageous. 

     It was at this juncture that I decided to stay in a hostel in Kothamangalam.